The Hunt
by shelly-veronica-annabelLee
Summary: He sees her from arcoss the room. He feels the pull, he is mesmerized - but she is leaving and everyone is in his way.....
1. Chapter 1

"**The Hunt"** – M.

_Mood Music: "Opus 36" by Dustin O'Halloran_

Black. Tuxedos. Champagne. Crystal glasses. Silk dresses. Nothing about his party is any different from all the other parties that are held here every weekend. Celebrating another person's birthday, another engagement, another excuse to search for something you haven't found during the week. I never find it. I stand in the back corner, on the balcony overlooking the entire ballroom. Filled with people, myriad amounts of black tuxedoes and suits peppered with soft colours of the women's outfits.

I tap my index finger against the champagne glass before lifting it up to my mouth to swallow what is left of the ghastly liquid. Tonight it holds no magic for me, no golden elixir producing happiness and courage to talk to any of the normally beautiful women. As I lower my glass I look for one of the waiters to take it away so I can leave, alone yet again. I spot him, he is walking over to my side of the balcony, weaving his way between laughter and blurred visions. I take a small step forward, out of the half shadows to place my empty glass on the silver circular tray. As I do my eyes drift over the balustrade and to the dance floor – filled with endless bodies.

The ribbons of dark brown hair fall down her naked back, stopping just above the red of her dress, which descends to the ground in a satin shower. I am captivated. I can't move. I must look like an idiot standing frozen in space with my eyes steadily transfixed on this creature. She moves to kiss her friends goodbye on their cheeks. I lean my head to the right to try and see her face. I can't – I need to – who is she? Even from behind I can see that she lowers her head to look at the floor as she begins to move towards the doors to leave. She holds her dress at her sides so as not to step on it as she walks. She can't be leaving, I feel as if I have waited a lifetime for her – I need to be able to talk to her, to exist with her, for her to look at me with a smile on her face that is so amazingly lovely that it hurts to look away. She is leaving. I take a step to my right and bump into someone after keeping my eyes connected to her back. "Excuse me" I desperately say as I almost dance as I weave my way through the crowd of bright, happy people.

My height increases and decreases as my feet keep me in sight of her whilst I make my way to the staircase. My hand is on the balustrade as I quickly decline the stairs, looking down to make sure I won't loose my footing on them. I look up and almost miss the last stair – I can't see her anymore. The brown and red have disappeared, vanished into the night. I have no time to be polite as I push my way through the scores of people. As I get to the door, flanked by butlers, I raise my hand to my bronze hair and pull it though – probably making it look as if I have just gotten out of bed, but I cannot care about anything but finding her. As I make a move to leave the doors are opened for me with a farewell only just falling on my un-listening ears; "Good evening Sir."

I frantically look around, searching the entire front yard which is being used as a parking lot. My eyes are slowly adjusting to the black of night, when I see it. The light from one of the house's windows spills onto the silky red, the liquid brown, now accompanied by peal smooth skin that would be heaven to touch. She is sitting in the gazebo, her legs crossed and her head moving from side to side, searching for something. Could she have seen me? Could she have wanted me to see her? My mouth becomes dry as I adjust my tie and again mess my hair up. I start to walk forward – I still haven't seen her face.

I am mealy steps away now but still in shadows. My breathing becomes harder – she is literally taking my breath away. I am but five steps away from taking her in my arms when she jumps up – has she seen me? She doesn't turn around – she continues to look out in the other direction – the other entrance to the gazebo. Has she heard me? I have stopped dead. I realize this and take another step forward – this time accidentally on some fallen autumn leaves. The crackle under foot and remind me of something precious breaking. I have followed the sound of the leaves with my head, I look up to her again – she is still looking out into the darkness.

All of a sudden a great specimen of a man appears from the shadows. He has long black hair and russet skin. His whole face seems to smile when he sees her face. He ducks his head as he enters the small gazebo and lifts her up into his arms as his mouth covers hers. Her perfect peal white arms are above his shoulders, entangling the fingers in his hair as they continue to stay connected. Her feet are not on the ground as he spins her around. The air is filled with her muffled laughter as he sets her down, his kisses lingering. He sets her down with his back to me – her face is now all that I can see. It is as beautiful as I imagined it would be. Perfectly small features encased in the almost transparent white skin with the ribbons of brown liquid hair framing it beautifully. Her eyes. Brown, deep as the endless universe and transfixed on him, not me.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I'm late" he professes as he brushes a piece of hair behind her ear. I fall back into the shadows once again, hearing that braking sound come not from the fallen leaves but from my heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Mood Music: _"Wonderwall"_ [cover of Oasis] – Ryan Adams

on the tube that is /watch?v=0gVxRvNfFLg

(listen whilst you read – its what I listened to when I wrote it)

I can feel the uneven bark on my palms as I hold the tree for support. I need air – I try to breathe in, suck in the air I so desperately need. I am drowning in nothingness. Finally my throat allows small bursts of oxygen to fall into my lungs. It squeezes through my parted lips, down my throat and over the lump that stings my heart and the back of my neck when I try to desperately hold back the tears that threaten to escape. I push my breath out through my pursed lips, cracked now from the lack of oxygen, and I strain the air back in through my nostrils – it's the only way that I can keep the display of hurt from my eyes to a minimum.

"Sam wanted me to stay back at work for a bit longer – sorry Bella." The boy confessed to her face as he squeezed her shoulders.

"It's alright" (she speaks, oh sweet angel speak again) "As long as you're here now Jake – it's all that matters." My heart dropped to my stomach as I heard the perfect words form from the mouth of my heart's soul. They continued to smile longingly at each other as he lowered his hand to encase hers as they quickly walked back to rejoin the party. I pressed my back against the tree as I continued to not exist in the shadows. I knew they had entered the doors to the party when I heard the buzz of conversation burst into hearing and then disappear just as quickly as it had been born.

When I heard the door close with a soft thud I sank to the ground – my knees finally giving into the pain that my heart was in. My right hand came up to cover my mouth – probably to hold the pieces of my broken soul inside. While my left hand came up to my hair – vanishing between the folds: an act that I had the nerve to think, to hope, that she would one day do as a daily show of love and affection. How could I feel this strongly about someone I had only just seen tonight? I hadn't even talked to her. I didn't even have the answer, all I knew was that my heart would continue to shrink and deteriorate with every day that passed that she wasn't in my life, my arms, my heart.

You hear about these moments – the ones that alter your life so severely that it becomes a different life, a different state of mind, a different view, a different air that you require to survive. My oxygen was her, my life was Bella. And she was in love with another.

I deeply and painfully took a great lungful of second rate air in and blew it out through my nose sharply before I wiped the traitor tears from my cheeks. I pushed back against the grainy wood of the tree and stood on my watery weak legs. Holding onto the tree I leant around to have one last glance back to the magnificent house that sheltered her.

Where was I when she first stepped into my universe? What was I doing when I could have been aware that she existed? How could I have wasted my time with useless and monotonous tasks and people when I could have used the time to look for her? I have wasted all that time that I had that could have been used to memorize her face and all the distinctive sounds she would make when words were not needed. The "umm.." of agreement when she wanted sugar in her tea. The little gasp of surprise when I would have hugged her from behind, while she was making breakfast.

I think I would have liked that little gasp the best – the evidence that I was able to take her breath away. And my heart cries out in pain as I remember that these non existent memories which could have been.


	3. Chapter 3

**Mood Music: "Nicest thing" ~ Kate Nash**

**(thanks so much to Ezz for directing me to this wonderful song that is absolutely heart breaking – I love it!)**

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It's been three days and I still can't get the image of her out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, it is her pale pear skin that takes centre stage in my mind's eye. Every time I have a spare moment to think, all I can do is wonder where she is, what she is doing at that moment. It is Monday and I am returning to work a different man, I know what happiness is out there and I am tortured in not being able to hold that happiness in my arms. To protect her from all the evil of the world, to show her all the beauty that the world holds too. _No. Stop it, damn it! _Just let it go, there is nothing you can do – she loves another. I walked into my office this morning with a heavy head from thinking of a universe that would never be in existence and a heavy heart full of wasted love. Ignoring the blinking red light indicating that I have three messages I slump into by black, leather chair and swivel it so as to position my view looking out towards the forest. Something about the wet green branches swaying always calmed me down, but it does little to control my thoughts and my aching heart now.

"Mr. Cullen?" May questions as she walks into the room.

"Yes May." I manage to reply, my chair still facing the sea of green.

"Oh, Mr. Cullen, I have a new high priority client for you, a couple wishing to buy their first house together, and they are willing to buy within the best price range…" I can hear her shuffling the pages between her hands, waiting for me to turn around and probe further to discover just how much money these people are going to spend.

"Ok, thank you May, just leave the info on my desk." I can't be bothered. I can feel my body rapidly decreasing in temperature, radiating from the ice-like centre that is the crevasse in my chest. What is wrong with me? I used to love this job, now everything pale's in comparison to the one thing that I was put on this earth for – and I can never have it! I slam my fists down on the leather arm rests and swing the chair around, pulling myself in with my frozen hands. May has gone, she left the pages on the desk like I said, and I begin to mull through them. Nothing really out of the ordinary, couple, unmarried, he has a bit of money, with the amount she has no wonder they are wanting to buy in Moutherdale – the most ostentatious estate here in tiny Forks. I fold the pages back to their original order and lean back in my chair. The smooth, stiff material creaks under my pressure as I make myself more and more encased in the blackness, maybe if I try hard enough I can be swallowed and disappear into an unknown word, a dimension where hearts are not connected to this malicious thing called feelings. Why couldn't I bring myself out of this slump? It's not like I just found out that I am never going to find anyone to love – I found it, it's just that I can't have her love me back. And it's understandable – isn't it? I can't keep doing this! It's wearing me down and it's only been 3 days! I need to do something to take my mind off it, off her.

"May, do we have a contact number for them?" I shouted to my assistant, I closed my eyes, maybe I could make the images disappear. Warm redness was all I could see, and then silky redness was all I could see, ending where the peal skin began and shining through the liquid brown. Shit!

"May?!"

May hurried into the room, her soft pink knitted sweater being pulled down by wrinkled hands, her grey streaked hair being smoothed down, the glint of a hand-me-down ring catching the light as she stopped at the top of the desk.

"No need sir, they are here to meet with you, I hope it's alright, you don't have any other appointments until two."

Did I really want to deal with happy couples right now? Right when I was contemplating a lobotomy to remove any trace of her? Of Bella? _Damn it, not her name!_ I was rolling the pros and cons of staying around in my head as May looked impatiently towards the door.

"Alright, fine, send them in." I waved her off as I started to move papers about – trying, but never succeeding in cleaning up.

As I straightened up in walked a man: black hair, just as shiny and stark as the leather of my chair. His skin was the fresh and inviting colour of warm clay. And strangely enough he looked oddly familiar. I had almost managed to make the pain retreat to a dull ache until I realized where I had seen him before, and as the realization hit me I was shaking his hand and in walked Bella. Her liquid brown hair falling down her back, the floral dress she had on flowed and created a levitating walk that carried her into my office, into my view and unlocked the flood gates that were barely containing my breaking heart. How could I do pleasantries? How could I manage to talk when she stole my breath with the mere sight of her? How could I think when her smell intoxicated my mind and lulled my arms to want to embrace her? I had to get out of there – but I had to keep her in my sights for as long as possible. She had seen me. She had seen me look at her, my mouth in a pained expression, my arms clutching either side of my suit jacket. She moved to his side and slipped an arm around his waist. She looked up to him and spoke – I couldn't hear the words I was temporarily deafened by her presence. Then she looked at me – her diamond eyes sparkling deeper than the Atlantic – waiting for something – a response, from me, about something he had asked. I couldn't do it! How could I, help them buy a house to live their lives together? Help them destroy my soul? Tip me over the edge? Why couldn't I be like every other guy? Just think she is hot, but shame she already has a boyfriend – why do I have to feel this way? So strongly, so connected, so in love? Then I realized how I could hold the monster that is perpetual 'what if' at bay - I had to do it – if only to show myself that I would never have a chance – I could never have that chance – they would love each other for the rest of their lives and I would remain alone and soul-less for all eternity.

Just as I had made up my mind, she spoke:

"We're really sorry if this is a bad time, we just wanted to get right to it – I'm so excited a real home Jake!" she exclaimed as she grinned up at _Jake,_ with all the love that a person could hold. How could I live?

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**Ok guys question: Do you want me to drag it out or skip right to the next chapter that is one of my favorites? Cos it might have to be smooshed together with a bit of 'this happened' and now we're here kind of thing - what do you think?**

**~M.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Mood Music: "Main theme" from the Notebook**

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Sorry it's been ages guys but things had be a-happening here and I just wasn't being visited by the angel of the written word. Haha

Anyway here we go again, and I think this makes the next chapter flow nicely rather than just throwing it in like I was going to do……

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The blaring sound of the alarm seized my eyes open, propelling me into another day with noise to annoy the sense of sound. 6:30AM read the neon red numbers on the screen. I had to get up this early, both because I had to and because I wanted to. I required the extra time before work now so that I could rid my face of all the obvious pain before I had to consort with Bella, every day of the week. Being her (well I should say their) estate agent and helping them to find a house really drained me of my energy. I recently felt so tired not only from the treacherous examination of numerous houses, only to be told by Jake: "Not big enough" or "The pool area doesn't have a BBQ". And by Bella: "I'm just not feeling welcome here." Or " This doesn't feel like_ our _home."But also from the shear copious times I had to stop looking at her for fear that I would simply spill my love for her from my mouth, until no feeling was left unspoken. From the times per day I had to take a deep breath and say to myself '_she is with Jacob, not you_'. But, with all the rising extra early and difficult measures I now had to adhere to, I was secretly happy for each day I was able to spend in Bella's presence.

Every day at work was difficult now. It torn me apart to feel both wonderfully alive, and hellishly dead every time she walked into my office. I would smile up at her as I stood from my black leather chair, taking the sight of her in, adding another minuscule memory to my bank of Bella, of what could, should never be. My smile created from love would have to be almost immediately replaced with a professional face of a man who was not loving this creature before him with every fibre of his being. It was still too strange to even explain to myself; how could this all be happening? Why did it have to happen now? Why with Bella? I could have found love with any one right? Then why hadn't I? I couldn't explain it and try as I might I couldn't make it disappear either. No matter how many nights I tried to convince myself that Bella belonged with Jacob, that she would never see me as anything other than that man who knew where the homes for sale were. I couldn't explain it to myself and I couldn't even imagine explaining it to her, or to anyone, what would they think? As time continued its immortal march, I went to work and lived in both substituted bliss and reckoning pain. This life that I had imagined with Bella would never come to be and I had to be ok with that, I had to continue living as if she didn't give meaning to life on this earth. She was my client and I wanted to believe that I could live with that contact, understand that nothing more could develop.

As the days crept by Bella's home was not making itself known, I was both frustrated, as I had never not been able to find someone their perfect home, and pleased because the longer it took for Bella and Jacob to find a home, the more time and days I was able to spend near her, talking to her, watching her. Watching her walk slowly into a house, her lips pressed tight together, holding the breath in. Her hands trailing over the walls as she travelled from one room to the next, observing every ceiling and window that was there to the eye to behold. Jacob would simply walk right through the house to the back yard, and then make sure the kitchen area was to his liking. Bella seemed to really want to find something specific, something special to her about the house, to find out whether it was meant to be her dewling for the rest of her life. And I knew how special this dwelling of hers had to be. It would be the place she would retire to at the end of the day, the place where she would feel most safe, most welcomed, most comfortable, most able to live.

"And this is number 78 Remington Drive. It boast a large family area, four bedrooms, each with their own bathroom, modern kitchen, separate study, dinning area, Laundry with both a washer and drier, big enough for a family of eight…and yes Mr. Black it does have a pool." I finished my speech with a semi-forced smile. I couldn't hate Jake, I mean I could if I wanted to, but Bella loved him and right now all I could hate was that I wasn't him.

"Awesome! I will check it out right now." A clap erupted from his large hands before he rubbed them together as he walked hurriedly towards the back glass doors.

I spun around to watch Bella, I didn't need to say anything, I knew what she was going to do. I bit my lip as I smiled and held my clipboard at my stomach, staying out of her way as much as possible.

She stepped through the door, holding onto each side of the frame with her hands. Her head turned both left and right, observing the entrance before she stepped over the threshold. She stood in the doorway for a moment, her arms dropped slowly to her sides as she took in the view, her head gently scanning the house for all that it had from her right side to the left. I waited and watched. This was probably the best part of my day, and had been for the past two weeks. When she had finished her observation she turned to me, her bottom lip stuck between her teeth. Walking over to me her head continued to twist and turn to look at all that her potential house had to offer. When she was in front of me I spoke, this was our unwritten ritual.

"So…what do you think?" I hadn't moved but with every step closer she took my heart beat increased in intensity.

" I don't know…who lived here before?" She still wasn't looking at me but at the ceiling, following the contours to the windows.

"Um…A divorced woman and her two kids." I replied as I double checked in my notes, stealing my gaze away from her.

"The windows are too small." She finally decided before she looked at me. A small smile lit her face and we said nothing. I could spend eternity looking at her face, swallowing every detail, storing it in my heart.

Just then Jacob came through the door and Bella unconsciously took a step back way from me. It hurt, like it always does, but I couldn't let it show. I think that's why the heart is hidden, so that when it feels something so powerful that really shouldn't be felt it is able to hide itself. It is the contortions of the face in pain that give away the concealed thoughts of the person.

"I am so sorry babe but I have to go, work matters, you can look at the other two houses without me right? Just make sure they have a pool and a huge TV area!" He said all of this so fast as he walked towards her, encircling her in his arms and kissed her so largely that I had to turn away to remove it from my view.

"Aw babe, really? It's only two more houses?" her hands traced his biceps, up and down, the length of the fingers and then just the nails, up and down.

"Yeah, I gotta. Oh and if it's ok with Cullen here, I have to take the car, so can you drive her Ed?" His broad smiling face looked towards me as if he had just remembered that I was in the room.

"Sure Mr. Black, I wouldn't mind at all…"

"Aw come on Ed, it's Jake ok?" he implored as he extended his arm towards me, almost pleading with it to make me drop the formalities.

"Ok Jake…although would you mind terribly Bella if we stopped to pick up some lunch? I promise it will only be drive through so it will be quick." I really hated talking to her when Jake was around, it was like talking to her through a window, there but not quite as real as I wanted.

"Of course not! You have to eat!" She said whilst still holding Jacob's arms.

"Ok Jake, I will see at home later and I will tell you everything in detail about the houses! Promise." And with a smile and a wink he was gone, leaving us standing in the house.

I really thought I was doing an alright job at this 'let them love each other, there is nothing that you can do' life I was now living. Although I had let some things slip through, and while she had seen some she never said anything and for that I was both grateful and afraid. Things like, "Wow, Edward, this kitchen is huge, I love it! Can you imagine me baking cookies for the kids when they come home from school?" She had said as she ran her hands along the bench top. "Yeah I can, I bet they would bring all their friends home so that they could taste your cookies, and you'd let them because you would be a fantastic mother." When I realized what I had said I looked away from her, suffling on the spot. She hadn't said anything so I looked back at her. She had her head tilted and was smiling such a sad but lovely smile I didn't know what to say. "Oh I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me…I…"

"No, no it's ok, really. It's actually pretty nice to know that someone can see you as a mother. I don't know sometimes if I'm destined for that. I really want to be, but once in a while I imagine the future and I can't see anything wonderful happening, so it's nice to know that you can see my future in such a wonderful light." She walked towards me and layed a hand on my shoulder, and looked me straight in the eyes, wanting t get her message and thanks across. She smiled so sweetly it inflated my heart before she slowly walked away to the refridgerator. "But the bathroom next to the kitchen? Really? I don't think we can have that!" The friendly and slightly disconntected relationship was back. And I silently said goodbye to that magical moment.


	5. Chapter 5

**Mood Music: "opus 23" – Dustin O'Halloran**

The drive to the restaurant was not silent but it wasn't an excellent conversation either. I think it simply came down to the fact that we were both thinkers.

"Are you sure that you want to sit down and eat, I don't want to waste your time" I asked again, so bewildered that she would want to spend time with me when we wasn't looking for a house.

"Yes of course, for the third time, I'm hungry too!" Her answer resinated with laughter

Even though I knew nothing could happen I was so glad that I was able to spend time with her, to get to know her, to know that she, my everything, actually existed.

***

"After you." I said as I held the door open for her, closing my eyes and breathing in her sent as she passed.

"Thankyou, and thankyou for lunch, I'm getting next time though, ok?" Smiling she brushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

Maybe. "Ok if you say so." I replied as I let the door go and walked with her to my car.

The small enclosed space of the car was such a heavenly atmosphere that I almost missed the turn off's a few times. My head was being pulled in two different directions the whole drive; thank goodness we were both content without false conversation to fill the air. I so wanted to say something, do something that would let her know how I felt. If I had any chance of explaining myself, this would be the perfect time. But I also wanted to keep this somewhat friendship as what it was, an untainted friendship that could exceed the normal barrier of connecting. I simply felt so alive when she was near. Like I was really who I was supposed to be when we talked.

Although my heart was being torn piece by piece, my mind questioning whether she knew, and if she didn't. What would her reaction be? What would happen if I was to stop the car, turn to her with one hand over my heart, holding, protecting the few pieces that remained, the other reaching for her hand as I confessed desperately '_I love you so much_.' As my mind raced with all these impossible thoughts and imaginings, I stole a glance at her. Her chin rested on top of her folded hand. Her eyes staring towards the grey sky. So peacefully she took in the world around her. Her ribbons of silk hair softly blew in the wind of the car heating. I almost lost it then, my next exhale almost carried with it my confession of love and enamouredment. I took a quick breath and held it in, along with it the words that I should never say, I swallowed them and hopefully they would lie torment. We were just about to turn into the driveway when it started to rain. And when it rains in Forks, it pours heaven from the clouds.

I stopped the car as close to the house as possible before I turned around to face the back seat: "I have an umbrella here somewhere." I said with annoyance. I turned back triumphant with the prize of shelter in my hand. Bella hadn't moved, her head was still upon her hand, but her eyes were on the window. Her free hand traced the trails of the rain drops, her smile breaking across her face, breaking my heart that magic this beautiful would never be mine to hold. I said nothing as I encased this memory in my heart. I took a deep breath and opened my door, swiftly opening the umbrella as I stepped out, slamming the door shut I ran around to Bella's side. Trying to keep the rain off us as much as possible we ran to the front door. "Here, let me." She smiled as the umbrella was taken from my hands while I desperately fought with the pile of keys for the correct one to grant us entrance.

We both bundled inside the house. I closed the umbrella and leant it against the wall. Holding my clipboard close to my body I stood up and looked for Bella, she was gone from my immediate view.

"What are you doing?" I asked as I watched her cross the empty room to the glass doors and lay down with her body parallel with them.

"I love watching the rain fall on me, but this way I'm not getting wet." She was lying perfectly still with her head turned towards the door, looking up and out towards the grey clouds that dropped tear after tear of water. Soaking the ground, sprinkling the door that she lay next to. She raised her hand and touched the door, her fingers tapping in rhythm with the rain.

"No one ever stops to admire the beauty in this world" she quietly breathed as she continued to follow the drops down the door.

_I am admiring the pinnacle of beauty as we speak_ I thought as I stared at her – she was perfect, she had more depth in those brown eyes right now than anyone could ever hope to have after an entire lifetime.

Slowly but surely her head turned towards me, her eyes half closed with peace.

"Come here and watch the show with me" She encouraged.

I stopped breathing.

"Come on, I bet you've never seen the rain like this – it's lovely." Her hand remained on the door, the fingers still. I walked over to her; again my heart beat intensely as I neared her. I knelt down on the floor, my knees in line with her hips. I placed my clip board below her feet and rolled onto my back. I adjusted my suit jacket and fidgeted while I procrastinated, not wanting my heart to gallop into auditory when I looked at her. I took a large breath and closed my eyes as I turned my head towards her. I opened them and my heart skipped a beat at her closeness. Her liquid brown hair was spilled out towards the glass door, her neck and the top of her chest near her collar bone was bear – her pale peal like skin calling to me, smooth as silk. My eyes traced over all of this before finishing on her eyes. They were staring at me. Our eyes connected, our gazes were held. All for but a mere twenty seconds before she broke the thread with a flutter of her eyes.

She turned her head back towards the sky and admitted:

"Jake hates it when I do this, he thinks why watch it when you can be in it? Ha! That's what I love about him – he wants to be so connected to everything." I looked down to my hands as I played with my nails, trying to hide my thoughts of jealousy.

"Hey, you can't feel it over there – here." Her hand was coming into view as she took my left hand and placed it above hers on the door. My body half covering her faultless one as I rolled over to close the distance and make it easier to lay my hand flat against the cold, solid material. The glass was arctic and I could feel the feint thud thud thud of the raindrops as they made contact with it. I looked down to her – she was watching our hands or the rain – I couldn't tell. I noticed her right side was covered in Goosebumps.

"Which do you like better, the cold or the heat?" I ask as I noticed the draft that came from under the door was the creator of the Goosebumps.

She bit her lower lip before answering in a soft tone: "I don't know"

I don't know why but I had an impulse to discover the answer and I wanted it to be one of the two – but I couldn't tell which one yet.

"But which do you like to surround yourself with most of the time?" I pressed

"I like them both" – she continued to look out of the window – avoiding my eyes.

"But right now you are more connected to the cold than the warm. And it is having a greater effect on your body than the warmth." I couldn't understand where that had come from, but I wanted so much for her answer to be that she loved the coldness more. She looked at me then – completely turned her head towards my voice and looked me straight in the eye before allowing her line of vision to stray to my lips. She said nothing. She closed her eyes and breathed in deeply. Her head automatically rolling over to face the door, the eyes still obscured behind the lids.

I couldn't stop devouring her with my sight – drinking in as much of her as I could while she was this near. I closed the space between us and lowered my head towards her neck. My eyes closed involuntarily as my lips slightly parted. I lowered them onto her neck in a kiss. As I did she moaned in satisfaction but never opened her eyes. My lips parted again as I pushed them down onto her warm, exposed neck. They remained there, unwilling to move, to be removed from her. Her breathing was becoming faster as I continued to open and shut my lips against her neck. The last kiss to her neck remained unmoving as I took my hand from the frozen window and laid it against her chest, my index and middle finger encircling her collar bone. The coldness of my hand resulted in her surprised gasp._ The gasp._ It was exactly how I imagined it – utterly perfect. As my window cold hand made contact with her skin, instantaneous with the gasp her eyes opened in shock and looked towards the ceiling. Her breath was no where to be heard. Her chest heaved towards the heavens before the air escaped from her rose bud mouth and she had to quickly catch her breath as her chest moved rhythmically beneath my still hand.

Oh how I wanted to stay in this except position for all of eternity! But I couldn't – she loved someone else, and I couldn't bear to be the cause of her pain if I was to tear them apart, even if it is tearing me apart to let her go. So I stood, picking my clipboard up on the way. Her head shot towards me and her expression went from ecstasy to confusion in an instant. My face turned expressionless as I backed away towards the door – the image of her never disappearing from my view. (Oh God, it is unutterable, I cannot live without my life, I cannot live without my soul) It hurts so much to walk away from her, to sever my view from her. As I felt the door handle press into my lower back I reached behind and turned it, breaking my dream like vision and quickly walking to my silver Volvo out front.


End file.
